Things We Lost in the Fire
by Poetgirl925
Summary: AU Skyeward. Begins after events in 1.08 The Well. Skye and Ward begin a physical relationship after the Berserker incident, and things grow steadily more complicated between them as a result. When Ward and the team discover secrets that Skye has been keeping, neither of them is prepared for the emotional fallout.
1. Part I - Falling

**A/N: This story is an alternate universe and is a 2-part prequel to the Skye/Felicity crossover I've begun writing. Certain canon events are still in play, but Ward is not Hydra in this story, and the Miles meeting never happened in episode 1.05 The Girl in the Flower Dress. I've essentially shifted the timeline and some events to suit the needs of the story.**

 **Part I - Falling**

Sleeping with Ward wasn't the plan when she invited him into her room at the fancy hotel Coulson had booked. She wasn't sure exactly what the plan was, really; she just knew she wanted to do something for him. Something to take away that haunted expression he'd worn ever since he touched the Berserker staff.

But a bottle of whiskey and several hours later, here they were in a tangle of limbs on the snowy white sheets of her bed. He was quiet now, but she knew he wasn't sleeping yet because his hand was still moving across her back in an almost absentminded fashion. It made her wonder what he was thinking. Did he think they'd made a mistake?

Maybe it was a mistake. It was probably a bad idea to start something, for a lot of reasons. He wasn't exactly Mr. Emotional Availability, for one thing, and while they'd certainly connected earlier, she wasn't sure she really knew him any better now than she did a few hours ago.

By far the biggest problem was the fact that he was her supervising officer. Were there rules against fraternization? She honestly had no idea, but she doubted Coulson would be thrilled with this development if he found out about it.

Then again, Ward had said and done nothing to make her think this was anything other than a one-time thing. Skye weighed both sides as his hand drifted up and tangled in her hair. God it felt good, being close to him. While she'd been aware of an underlying attraction on her side ever since she'd squared off with him during their very first meeting, she hadn't realized just how much she wanted this.

It would probably be better to leave it at the hotel – what happened off the Bus stayed off the Bus.

The problem was that she didn't think she was going to be able to compartmentalize it the way he probably could. She was never going to be able to forget that she knew exactly what he looked like under his boring, monochromatic wardrobe – the perfect abs and long, lean muscles of his arms and legs. The broad shoulders and narrow hips that fit so very well between her thighs. The strength and grace of long fingers that were far more gentle and teasing than she'd anticipated now that the initial hunger for each other was satisfied.

When his hand slipped down her back and across her hip, she wiggled against him and sighed In pleasure.

"Tired?" Ward asked softly.

Raising her head, Skye folded her hands on his chest and propped her chin on them. He looked good enough to eat, sprawled against the white pillows with his usually neatly combed black hair spiking out in different directions. She vaguely recalled running her fingers through his hair and tugging at the short strands in the throes of her second orgasm.

She slid on top of him, encouraged by the growing erection she could feel against her pelvis. He raised his head to meet her halfway as she kissed him. After a few moments she pulled back, gratified that he seemed to be no more in control of this attraction than she was. "Not too tired for this."

His hands were on her hips, and she was startled when he flipped her beneath him, kissing her more urgently now. Then his mouth trailed down her neck, nibbling and licking a trail to her breasts as one hand slid between her thighs to stroke the sensitive flesh there.

After a few minutes, Skye took advantage of his distraction and flipped him over, startling a laugh from him as she employed the move he'd taught her during training.

"This wasn't exactly what I had in mind when I taught you that," he said, though he didn't seem displeased by the change in position.

"Well, I'm resourceful," she replied, raising a brow as she moved to straddle his hips. "Any skill set can have multiple applications."

She reached for one of the condoms on the nightstand, grateful that she'd still had a few in a side pocket of her bag. She took her time rolling it on, stroking his length as she smoothed it into place. She had to admire his self-control because while he looked like he wanted to pounce on her, he hadn't moved so much as a muscle.

Then she lifted her hips enough to allow him to position himself at her entrance, and she sank down slowly. The pace was slow this time. She braced her hands on his chest and rocked against him, enthralled by the way he was watching her, his dark eyes roaming her face and body in a way that made her breath catch. She allowed him to roll them over, and she welcomed his weight on her as she buried her face against his neck.

Afterwards, she feigned sleep when he got up to dispose of the condom, not in the mood to disturb the bubble they'd created by talking about it yet.

* * *

The morning came far too quickly. Skye half expected to find Ward gone when she awoke, but he was still beside her, one hand on her hip. Quietly she crept from the bed and showered as she thought about what she wanted to say to him. When she emerged from the bathroom, she found him tipping the man who'd just delivered their room service breakfast.

Raising a brow, she wandered over to the small table in the corner. "Breakfast, huh?"

"Coffee, toast, omelets, bacon, and pancakes," he told her as he shut the door and joined her at the table. He grabbed a cup and poured some coffee, smiling at her before walking into the bathroom.

Skye busied herself plating the food while Ward took a quick shower. Did staying until morning and ordering breakfast mean he wanted to do this again? Was it a thank you? Was he just hungry?

Okay, so if he was hungry he could easily have gone back to his own room for breakfast. It probably meant _something_. Damn it – why did he have to be so hard to read?

 _This is what I get for starting something with a spy_ , she thought, not without a little humor. Ward was different from any other guy she'd ever been with – mainly because she always had the upper hand before, and she wasn't so sure she did this time.

When he joined her at the table, she decided to dive right into the discussion. "So, this happened. And I'm guessing it shouldn't happen on the Bus."

Ward raised his brows, as if surprised by her direct approach. "No. We've crossed some lines now, but we need to keep things simple on the Bus."

She'd known that was what he would say, but she couldn't deny the disappointment settling in her stomach like a little lead weight. She covered by digging into her pancakes, though she could feel him watching her.

"Skye, if this will be uncomfortable for you, I can ask May to take over your training," he finally said.

"I have a better idea," she told him. She kept her tone nonchalant as she continued. "I propose that we keep this to ourselves, and we keep it off the Bus. But when we have a little time off, we can choose to spend it any way we like, right? I mean, if you think about it, it doesn't really matter if we're blowing off steam with each other or with strangers, does it? It's not like either of us can have more than a one night stand here or there considering we spend all of our time on a plane."

Something flashed in his eyes in reaction to her words. If she didn't know better, she'd swear it was jealousy, but it was gone so quickly she wondered if she'd imagined it.

"You don't think that could get complicated?" he asked, taking a sip of his coffee.

Shrugging, she said, "Not if we don't let it. Besides, every girl dreams of having hot guy on booty call speed dial."

He smiled, and she could sense that he was wavering.

"Okay," he said.

It was kind of pathetic how one word sent a feeling of elation bursting through her. She really hadn't expected him to take her up on her offer, figuring that he'd have about a million reasons why it was a bad idea, most of which were probably in a SHIELD handbook somewhere. As long as she didn't get attached, everything would be fine.

* * *

They kept that night to themselves, but hiding their attraction, their awareness of one another, was a different ball game altogether. Training was now a double-edged sword, and more than once Skye had felt his struggle to rein in his physical reaction to her. She was struggling with the same thing since her body heated up every time he got within feet of her, and the close contact of training only exacerbated the issue.

Skye was surprised that no one noticed since it felt like she was wearing a neon sign advertising that she'd had sex with Ward. And while his poker face was better than hers, she often caught him watching her in a way that seemed a lot friendlier than the average relationship between supervising officer and trainee.

* * *

It was two months before they had another chance to be together. They were finishing up a mission in Paris, and Coulson surprised them all by giving them the weekend off. Skye couldn't avoid being dragged into Fitz and Simmons' sightseeing plans, and if they were surprised that Ward decided to join them, they didn't say anything.

It was a special kind of torture to be off the Bus but still unable to touch him the way she wanted to. That evening she faked a headache and went back to the hotel early. Ward followed within the hour.

They didn't even make it to the bed the first time, and Skye reveled in the urgency he was displaying as he lifted her against the door and fucked her the way she'd been thinking about for months. His stubble scraped across her neck and chest – she was sure he'd leave marks but she didn't give a damn. By the time they collapsed onto her bed, all she cared about was doing it all over again.

* * *

They managed to avoid Fitz and Simmons the next day, setting off on their own to explore the city. Ward had lived in Paris before and knew the best spots for photos, the best little cafes, and the best places for a stroll along the Seine. They visited the Eiffel Tower that night after dinner, and it struck her how romantic the whole day had been.

He held her hand as they walked. Skye knew he was only doing it because without the others around, they were simply two anonymous tourists in the crowd. She reminded herself to enjoy the moment without getting too attached. It was a strategy with which she'd become very familiar as a child, and she knew it would serve her well to remember it with Ward.

But it was hard not to get attached when he took her to bed that night. It was their last night in Paris, their third night together overall, and it shouldn't have been a tipping point. Somehow it still felt that way though; it felt like a wall was coming down whether she wanted it to or not. It was both exhilarating and scary as hell because once her walls came down, she'd have nowhere left to hide. She knew she couldn't afford that.

* * *

Ward was the last thing she thought about as she lay bleeding out on the floor where Quinn left her, and he was the first thing she saw when she opened her eyes in the medical pod. Jemma was there as well, hovering and fussing over her, but she couldn't seem to focus on anyone but him.

Her walls might have come down, but she suspected his had as well. Whenever they were alone he held her hand in his, and he spent so much time in the medical pod with her that Skye was certain Jemma, at least, suspected something was going on between them.

A week into her recovery, Jemma was still drawing blood. "Are you secretly a vampire or something? How much blood are you planning to take, anyway?"

Jemma smiled at her, but it did nothing to mask her concern. "We used an experimental drug on you, Skye. I just want to make sure everything's fine and there won't be any… unforeseen side effects."

Skye watched as Jemma took the vials and left the room before looking over at Ward. "She and Coulson are both acting really weird lately. Where did you find this drug again?"

"A secret, underground bunker. Coulson thinks it might be where he was treated but it's not officially part of SHIELD as far as we know," he told her, reaching for her hand again. "He seemed conflicted about giving it to you – we went all that way, broke in and took it, and then he didn't want Simmons to give it to you in the end."

"But she did anyway."

"You were dying, Skye," he said bluntly, his fingers tightening around hers. "Convulsing. She'd already given it to you by the time he got back up here anyway, but I'm glad she did."

"Yeah, me too," she said quietly. "But I don't want to rely on miracle drugs or experimental treatments in the future, Ward. When I'm back on my feet, I want to start training again, harder this time. I know that I haven't always been as committed as you'd like, but that's going to change."

"You're not going back into the field for a while," he told her firmly. "Not without me there."

Skye looked at their joined hands, smiling a little as she replied, "You can't protect me from the world, Ward. Not forever."

"Maybe not," he agreed. "But I can try." He glanced around, making sure that Jemma was gone before he leaned over and kissed her gently.

Skye recognized it for what it was – a turning point.

 **Up Next: Part 2 - This Is How We Break.**


	2. Part II - This Is How We Break

**A/N: This part contains major spoilers for Season 1. I'm assuming if you're reading that you're familiar with Season 1 events, but I thought I'd put a warning on this anyway.**

 **Part II - This Is How We Break**

Skye watched a news report on her tablet, heart heavy as she saw the chaos that seemed to be erupting everywhere now that the Triskelion had fallen and Hydra was being more open about their attacks. She'd had her SHIELD badge for exactly one day. It didn't seem possible that so much had happened since then.

Ward's former supervising officer, John Garrett, had been revealed as a traitor. He'd escaped custody two days ago while being transported to the Fridge, and then the Fridge was hit. A high ranking agent confirmed that Victoria Hand was dead and Garrett got away with a cache of weapons and artifacts. Skye was helping with the inventory, but it would likely be weeks before they knew exactly what Garrett had taken.

She switched to her secure server and checked for messages, smiling when she saw a new one from her oldest friend, Felicity.

 _Oracle: All along the watchtower_

It was their own personalized pop culture code, one of dozens they'd been using for years, and Felicity mixed them up each time she contacted her. She typed her reply.

 _Ph nt0mSu3: Hula girls kept the view_

It was basically their own version of Marco, Polo – a quick way to verify each other's safety if a phone call wasn't an option. They'd begun the habit after Skye ran away from the orphanage in Las Vegas and went to California, and they'd continued it during Felicity's years away at MIT. When Felicity gave up hacktivism to move into corporate America, Skye began submersing herself more and more in the hacker culture which had led her to the Rising Tide.

Between her contacts there and Felicity's help, she'd been digging into her own past for years now. She'd caught a break when she uncovered a redacted document that confirmed it was SHIELD who'd left her at St. Agnes. When further digging yielded no additional facts, Skye decided to let SHIELD come to her.

She'd considered confiding in Coulson a hundred times over in the past few months, but fear held her back. She was afraid that they'd leave her behind if they knew she had an agenda, even though it wasn't malicious in nature. And that was a fear that had multiplied tenfold since she'd decided to commit to being part of the team, and especially since Ward.

Ward had taken Garrett's betrayal very, very personally. Skye knew she wouldn't be able to hide the fact that she was looking for information on her family forever – not unless she dropped it altogether, and she wasn't willing to do that. And she didn't need to be a clairvoyant to know he would feel betrayed all over again when she finally came clean.

She heard Ward coming up the stairs from the training area. When he walked into the room, she could see he'd once again tried to exhaust himself through physical exertion. It was late – she knew May was on stick, but everyone else had retired hours earlier.

The familiar anxiety rose up in her chest as it always did when she considered telling him - when she started thinking about how she would explain herself when the time came. The problem was that she'd kept her secrets far too long at this point.

Some of her disquiet must have shown on her face because Ward honed in on it immediately. "What's wrong?"

Skye released a shaky breath. _Tell him_. "I just – the news is really depressing right now."

His expression softened and he walked over to sit beside her on the sofa. "This must be difficult for you."

"It doesn't compare. I had my badge for a day – you, May and Coulson, even FitzSimmons, all went to the academy," she pointed out. "I'm just the tagalong."

"No, you're not," Ward told her, pushing her hair back and stroking her cheek. "You're one of us now. I know you never had a place, but you belong here with us."

Skye looked away as a lump grew in her throat. She wanted so badly to believe him, but she'd never really belonged anywhere. And she knew he wouldn't want her if he found out the truth.

* * *

She sat on the bed in Ward's room, waiting for him. It had been a very long two days, one of which she and Fitz had spent as hostages of John Garrett. When Skye realized he wanted her to decrypt the database he'd stolen, she refused until Fitz was used as leverage. After he got what he wanted, Garrett dumped them in one of the holding rooms, unaware that Ward and Coulson had managed to sneak onto the Bus.

Now they were all holed up in a dive motel. Skye had her own room, one with a connecting door to Jemma, but she didn't want to sleep alone. She hoped that Ward felt the same way because it had been months since Paris – months since they'd done more than hold hands or shared a few stolen kisses in dim corridors.

When he came into the room and saw her waiting on the bed, he paused. But then he shut the door, crossed to the bed and pulled her into his arms.

Skye held onto him tightly, refusing to let go even when he moved to sit on the bed.

Ward pulled her into his lap as he leaned back against the headboard. "If you stay here tonight, we're going to have a harder time hiding this from everyone."

"I don't care if you don't," she replied softly.

His response was to kiss her as he pulled her down to lie next to him. Skye helped him discard their clothes, uncaring where they landed as skin finally met skin. She felt hot all over, and yet she was shivering; she pulled him down on top of her, wrapped her arms and legs around him, and it still wasn't close enough. She'd never felt this way before – like Icarus, she'd flown too close to the sun and she was melting.

* * *

Skye was in love with Ward. Somewhere beneath the layers of denial, she'd known it for a while now. She kept the knowledge close to her heart, waiting for a sign that he felt it, too.

They were back on the trail of Garrett, Quinn and Raina, who always seemed to be a step ahead of them. Then they got a tip that a member of the Rising Tide had been passing along information on gifted people from The Index.

When Skye dug up a trail that led to Miles Lydon, she was stunned. They hadn't spoken since before Coulson and Ward picked her up in L.A. but like Felicity, he occasionally left messages on secure servers to check in with her. With all the upheaval within SHIELD, she hadn't thought of him in months.

She couldn't believe Miles would sell information to Hydra, so when Coulson asked her if she knew him, she lied. It was the beginning of the end.

* * *

Skye sat against the wall in the holding cell, knees to her chest. They'd taken Miles away hours ago; while she was glad the lying bastard had been useful in tracking Garrett to CyberTek, she was still angry that he'd sold information when he had to know that no one on the up-and-up would buy it.

The team had probably gone in by now. She was worried, and she wondered how long it would be before someone came to tell her what was going on. Eventually her exhaustion got the better of her, and she dozed off with her head on her arms.

She woke to find Coulson sitting in a chair opposite her.

Rubbing her eyes, she asked, "Is everyone okay?"

Coulson nodded. "Garrett's dead. Quinn and Raina are in custody. It's not over, but it's a start."

A wave of relief swept over her. "Good."

Neither of them spoke for several minutes.

Coulson was the first to break the silence. "Have you been passing information to the Rising Tide?"

"No," she said, standing up and taking a seat at the table. "I swear to you. No."

"I want to believe you, Skye. I do. But you lied about Miles Lydon, and you met with him before we found him." He studied her carefully as he folded his hands on the table.

"Because I felt like I owed him a chance to explain himself," she told him quietly. "I just – I didn't believe he would do something like that. I've known him since I was eighteen years old. He's helped me a lot over the years, and we used to be … kind of together."

He nodded. "Okay. But there's more that you're not telling me, isn't there?"

Skye knew it was long past time to come clean. She pulled the tiny flash drive from inside her bra and passed it over to Coulson.

"What is this?"

"It's everything I know about Mary Sue Poots," she said.

His brows drew together in confusion. "Who is Mary Sue Poots?"

"Me."

* * *

Skye looked down at the tracking bracelet she now wore – it wasn't a prison, but in some ways it might as well be. She supposed she was lucky that Coulson was giving her a second chance at all.

She'd been waiting for Ward to return to the base for hours. She had talked to Coulson, and she apologized to Fitz, Simmons and May. But Ward was avoiding her, and she couldn't blame him.

Her curfew time was drawing near, so she reluctantly headed back to her room. She would just have to be persistent.

Surprisingly, the next day he found her.

Since she wasn't allowed the use of any technology unless it was specifically mission related and supervised, Skye made her way to the training area. She wrapped up her hands the way Ward had taught her, and she threw punches until her muscles trembled and she was dripping sweat.

She leaned over to catch her breath and then she saw him leaning against the far wall, watching her with an unreadable expression.

Skye straightened up slowly but didn't approach him. Now that he was here, and she had a chance to explain herself, she wasn't sure what to say to him. Judging by his expression and the detached way he was looking at her, she wondered if anything she said would make a difference anyway.

He finally walked across the mat, handing her a bottle of water from the bag he carried.

She uncapped it and took a long drink. She watched as he sat on one of the nearby weight benches and began wrapping his own hands.

"I've asked May to take over your training," he finally said, looking up at her. His eyes were cool, and his voice betrayed no hint of emotion whatsoever.

She thought taking two in the gut was the worst pain she'd ever felt, but this was so much worse. Her chest hurt, and nausea churned in her stomach. She was trembling again, but it wasn't from the workout.

"Is that all you're going to say?" she finally asked.

His brows rose, and he stood up. "What else is there to say?"

"Yell at me," she told him fiercely. "Tell me I suck, that you're mad – I deserve it. Just don't close the door."

Ward stared at her, but she didn't budge and didn't look away.

"I'm sorry," she said, her voice cracking. She cleared her throat and wrapped her arms around her waist in an effort to hold herself together. "I never meant to hurt any of you, but especially not you."

"Maybe not," he finally said, his tone carefully neutral. "But you lied from the word go. Lied for months. Lied about your ex-boyfriend. And if there's no trust then this doesn't work. None of it works. And frankly, Skye, I don't trust you anymore."

He turned away from her and began his boxing routine; clearly he was done with the conversation.

Skye couldn't stand to be there anymore. She gathered up her things, stuffing them into her bag haphazardly, her only goal to get out of the room before he heard her heart breaking.

* * *

Skye buckled down, applying herself to her training with May in a way she'd never done before. She was up at five thirty every morning without fail, and she worked herself to the point of exhaustion every day throughout the summer. She found that she picked up the training quickly when she actually paid attention and practiced. Even May commented on the fact that she had better than average agility and reflexes, something that seemed to surprise her.

She helped with missions, but she was still being monitored closely. She continued to wear the tracking bracelet, and she hadn't been allowed to leave the base even once since Coulson had put it on her. She took her punishment without complaint.

There were new agents around now. Bobbi Morse, otherwise known as Mockingbird, came and went on various missions for Coulson. She was joined by Ward on at least half of those missions, and Skye tried not to let the jealousy she felt at their easy comradery eat away at her.

Lance Hunter was a mercenary who'd joined up with them. He was also Bobbi's ex-husband. Though they sniped at each other all the time, they seemed to work well enough together when they had to.

Hunter occasionally joined her in the lounge when she was flipping between news stations. Starling City had been the target of two terrorist attacks in the last two years, and since Skye had no way of contacting Felicity online anymore, she had resorted to the news to make sure her friend was safe.

Skye sipped her beer as she watched footage of a Queen Consolidated press conference. Oliver Queen had been struggling to hold onto his company all summer long, and Skye often saw Felicity in the background of his various public appearances. She had no idea how or why Felicity had gotten so friendly with the returned-from-the-dead playboy, but she was grateful she had a way to check in on her. She only hoped that Felicity wasn't too worried about her own radio silence.

"Are you from Starling City, then?" Hunter asked.

"No. I grew up in an orphanage in Vegas," she replied as the news wrapped up.

"So no family in Starling?" When she raised a brow, he shrugged. "It's a bit odd, love, always watching the news for the same city."

"Well, I'm restricted to base and Oliver Queen is hot," she drawled out. "A girl has to get her thrills where she can."

"And what am I then?" he asked, playfully indignant.

Skye laughed. Hunter was one of the few people who didn't treat her like she was the resident pariah. Most of the people at the base recognized her bracelet for what it was and eyed her with suspicion accordingly. Coulson had warmed up but he was too busy to be much of a support system, and her relationship with May was very professional.

Her relationship with both Fitz and Simmons was more or less back to normal. They'd both been more disappointed than angry, though Fitz said he thought he could understand wanting to hear a friend's side of the story, given the circumstances.

It was better than she probably deserved but less than she'd hoped for.

She stood up to go to her room and saw Ward leaning in the doorway. She froze, wondering how long he'd been there.

Ward's eyes swept over her impersonally before he looked over at Hunter. "Coulson wants to see you."

"Wonder what I've done now," Hunter said sardonically.

Skye slipped out of the room ahead of Hunter and hurried down the hall to her bedroom. Closing and locking the door behind her, she curled up on the bed and hugged her pillow to her chest.

She wondered if there would ever be a time when seeing Ward didn't hurt. It had been nearly three months since he turned over her training to May, and she'd given up hoping that he was going to reevaluate their relationship – on either a personal or a professional level. He actively avoided her, and he only spoke to her when it was necessary during mission planning.

If the others wondered why, they didn't ask. Skye was pretty sure Jemma knew that she and Ward had been involved, though she'd never prodded for details. But occasionally she looked at Skye with sympathy when Ward was around, as if she suspected how hard it was for her.

It was times like this when Skye wondered if she'd be able to stay at SHIELD. Coulson had promised to look into the redacted document, but Skye knew he had other, more important issues to deal with first. As much as she wanted to know about her past, she knew she had to be patient. She owed him that much.

* * *

A month later, her patience was wearing thin. She had tried concentrating on her training. Tried not to mind being restricted to the base. Tried not to care that Ward still looked through her when they passed each other in the hallway or ended up in a briefing together.

The final straw came when she was watching the national news, only to find that Queen Consolidated had been the target of a bombing attempt. Hostages had been taken inside the company, and she sat on pins and needles until she finally saw Felicity being escorted out of the building by Oliver Queen and a man who, based on the other times she'd seen him, was probably his bodyguard.

Hunter and Fitz were in the room as she watched the drama unfold. She knew she was tense and probably visibly upset, but there were only so many emotional reactions she could contain at once, and she had reached her quota with Ward alone.

Hunter no longer believed she was just randomly watching Starling news footage, but he no longer asked her about it, either. He was, however, looking at her with concern.

All of a sudden, the room felt too small, the air too stale. She stood and walked down the hall and out to one of the fire escapes that led to the roof. She sat on the ledge and looked out at the lights of the base, though she wasn't really seeing them.

"Are you alright?"

She turned to see Fitz behind her. She shrugged but didn't say anything.

Fitz sat beside her carefully. "Why are you so worried about what's happening in Starling City?"

She had always been careful to keep her personal connections off the table when it came to SHIELD. She had erased Mary Sue Poots from the system, but Felicity was a direct link to that girl she'd left behind, and she didn't want Felicity mixed up with SHIELD.

After a moment she said, "I have an old friend there – one I haven't seen in a while. And with everything that's happened lately, and with everything going on there, I guess I'm just feeling homesick."

"Maybe Coulson would let you visit," Fitz said.

"He hasn't let me leave the Playground in months," she replied flatly. "Like, I get it. I fucked up. But I've tried everything I know to make that up to _everyone_ , and I feel like it's never going to be enough. And I'm tired. I'm tired of feeling like no one wants me around."

"That's not true," Fitz protested. "We all still care about you. I know Coulson is busy, and May is May, and Ward is still angry, I guess, but we're still a team, Skye. And Jemma and I want you around."

"True. Jemma still has the blood drive going on," she snarked. "I don't know what the hell she thinks she'll find now that wasn't there a week ago, or a month ago, or six months ago."

"She's still drawing blood?" Fitz asked, a puzzled expression on his face. When she nodded, he said, "Alright, well, I'll ask her about it. Meanwhile, I think you should go ask Coulson if you can leave the base. You need a break."

Skye stood up, a feeling of determination replacing her melancholy. "You know what? You're right. Either I'm a part of the team or I'm a prisoner, but I'm tired of toeing the line between the two. Hell, they even let Miles go. There's no reason why I should have to stay here twenty-four seven."

She marched inside and through the halls to Coulson's office. She raised her hand to knock but froze when she heard her name.

* * *

She was going to end up on the Index.

Skye tried not to think about what she'd overheard Coulson, May and Jemma talking about. She'd been trying not to think about it for a week, and she was failing miserably. A blind man would have been able to figure out something was wrong with her at this point. She was jumpy and irritable from the insomnia plaguing her, and her appetite had all but disappeared.

May was watching her closely. They'd been training every day as usual, though Skye lacked her usual energy. The older woman had ended training early that morning, telling her to get some rest and come back at three.

When Skye entered the training room that afternoon, she found Ward instead of May.

"Where's May?" she asked.

"May isn't coming," Ward answered. "She's busy helping Coulson with something, and she asked me to take over for a few weeks."

His tone was carefully neutral, but his rigid posture said a lot about how he felt about the arrangement.

Skye felt the weight of the last few months crushing down on her along with the panic she'd been burying for the past week. There was a buzzing sound in her ears.

She went through the workout with Ward on autopilot, something he made note of more than once in that clinically detached manner he used with her now. When they were finished, she ripped at the bindings on her hands, eager to get away from him.

"If you don't want to be here, don't waste my time," he said shortly as he walked past her to pick up his bag.

She stopped, shooting him a look of disbelief. Was he kidding? "It's obvious you'd rather face down Hydra than be in the same room with me, so why did you even agree to this? If you don't want to be here, don't – I can ask Hunter."

If possible, his expression grew even colder. "Hunter isn't a SHIELD operative. He's a mercenary, Skye. Be ready tomorrow, five-thirty sharp." With that he turned and left.

Skye abandoned the task of getting the tape off and concentrated on getting up to the roof before she lost it. And that was where Fitz found her an hour later, still crying.

He didn't say anything. Instead, he put his arm around her and let her cry. The human contact seemed to open the floodgates, and she sobbed against his shoulder. Other than a few stray tears she'd choked off, it was the first time she'd cried in months.

When she calmed down, Fitz said, "'When one does not complain, one pays for outward calm with an almost unbearable inner struggle.' Charlotte Bronte said that. I think she must have been a wise woman."

Skye took a deep breath and wiped her face. "I think my outward calm has cracked anyway. I'm about one disapproving look from Ward away from losing my shit."

"I heard May tell Ward he had to take over your training for a few weeks," Fitz said carefully. "But that can't be the reason you're this upset."

She shook her head. "No. I'm upset because I'm scared."

"Of what?"

Skye had wondered for a day or two if Fitz knew before dismissing that concern. "I don't think they're keeping me on the base as a punishment. I don't even think they're still making me wear this tracking bracelet as a punishment. I think they're just tracking me, period."

"You're not making any sense," Fitz told her. "Why would they…"

"Because they think I'm not human."

"They think…" Fitz's voice trailed off in disbelief. "That can't be right, Skye."

"I heard May, Coulson and Jemma talking about the drug they used on me – how it came from an alien source. Apparently everyone injected with it has suffered side effects except for me, and Raina figured out why. It's because the alien DNA was already inside me."

Fitz was silent as she recounted the rest of what she'd heard – that Jemma had never noticed the DNA in her previous blood samples because she'd been looking for changes at a molecular level to explain the rapid healing, and the alien DNA markers were almost hidden, as if they'd bound to the human DNA through some sort of evolutionary process.

"But that would mean you're at least partly human," he mused.

"It explains how SHIELD ended up with me," she said with a sigh. "Coulson talked to Raina a few days ago, and she was apparently eager to trade information – some sort of deal they were working out. She told him a story about Hydra agents taking a baby from a village in the Hunan Province in China. Later, monsters tore the village apart looking for the baby, and SHIELD took it. She said the baby supposedly had powers, and while SHIELD thought the monsters killed the baby's parents, Raina said the monsters _were_ the baby's parents."

"And she thinks you're the baby?" At her nod, he said, "But you don't have any powers, do you? You're not hiding anything like that."

"No," she admitted. "But that must be why Jemma keeps taking my blood. Maybe they're waiting for me to change or something. I don't know. But I'm probably going to end up on the Index."

"Coulson wouldn't do that."

"Coulson is the director now. He has bigger problems than me, and it's protocol. I don't know if I can stay here, Fitz."

"But you're safer with us," Fitz said. "What if Hydra knows this story? Raina probably told them. They could be looking for you, and that's probably why Coulson won't let you leave the base."

"So I'm going to be a prisoner for the rest of my life? No. Hydra might know that story, but they don't know who I am. I've disappeared before and I could do it again if I had to," Skye stated firmly.

"Maybe it would help to just get away," Fitz suggested. "Go see your friend like you wanted to."

Skye held up her wrist. "Except I don't think Coulson would agree to that."

"He doesn't have to know. We have that mission coming up – the whole team will be gone for at least a week, maybe longer. But if you were injured, say during training, Coulson would leave you behind."

She nibbled her lip as she thought about it. "Can we figure out a way to bounce the tracking signal – make it look like I'm here when I'm not?"

He nodded. "Just promise me you'll come back. If you need to leave again after that, I'll understand, but promise you won't just disappear."

She smiled at Fitz and held up her pinky. "Pinky swear – I won't disappear. You're a good friend, Fitz."

* * *

The plan went slightly off script during her next training session with Ward. She'd calculated that getting on the wrong side of one of Ward's kicks would probably be enough to ground her for a week or so. However, she'd miscalculated just how lethal his kicks were and exactly how much it was going to hurt.

Skye was distracted when May entered the room to watch their sparring session. When she turned at the last minute, as if attempting to avoid him, she caught the kick directly in her chest. The pain was immediate and excruciating, and she dropped to the floor as she struggled to draw a breath.

Ward was on the floor beside her at once. "Hey – just breathe." When he touched her side, she felt nauseous. Then she vomited all over the floor, which caused a lot more pain to roll through her body.

He and May wasted no time getting her to the medical wing, and Jemma met them over there right away.

Jemma was fussing and Ward was hovering, something Jemma pointed out when she asked him to get out of her way. It was the first time he'd looked at her with any spark of his former feelings. She turned her face away from him, not wanting to think about it.

* * *

Thankfully her ribs turned out to be bruised rather than cracked. Jemma ordered her to rest, stating that recovery time could be anywhere from three to six weeks. Skye grimaced at that time frame. The mission was scheduled for just over two weeks from now. Hopefully she would be feeling well enough to travel alone to Starling City.

Ward came by the medical wing later to check on her, his mask firmly in place once more. May's visit was a little more disconcerting.

"You turned the wrong way into that kick," she said bluntly. "Ward thinks it was a rookie mistake, but I've been training with you all summer, Skye. I know better."

"I was distracted," Skye insisted.

May crossed her arms. "You're not sleeping. You're not eating. You spend most of your free time in your room now. Do you want to tell me what's bothering you?"

"Do you care?" Skye asked bitterly.

"I wouldn't ask if I didn't." When Skye remained silent, May sighed. "I didn't pass the training off to Ward on a whim, Skye. I did it because I hoped you two could work this out."

"Maybe you should try talking to him," Skye said, turning her head away. "I'm tired, May. Can we talk about this later?"

She closed her eyes, making it clear she was done for the moment. A minute later she heard May leave and close the door behind her.

* * *

As she and Fitz had planned, she was left out of the mission. She kept to herself while she was healing, following Jemma's instructions to the letter. She was actually feeling much better by the time they left, though she told Jemma she was still in pain.

She waited an extra day before she attached the small microchip to her tracking bracelet. She tested it first by going online. When she was satisfied that her signal was being cloaked, she set the parameters for daily movements – her bedroom, the kitchen, and the lounge. She was supposed to be recovering from an injury, so she could get away with spending large chunks of time in her room.

Since the team was gone, their living quarters would be mostly empty. She had no friends at the base who would come to check on her now that Fitz and Jemma were in the field. That night when she walked off base with a small bag and a forged pass, no one paid any attention to her at all.

She didn't look back.

 **A/N: I know, guys – this was hella angsty. But I do have a plan and it will be fixed in the story that follows this. It will be an Arrow/SHIELD crossover story featuring Skye and Felicity as childhood friends. After Skye arrives in Starling City, all hell breaks loose and Fitz is forced to tell the team she's gone when her bracelet suddenly stops transmitting. Team Bus go after her, and they butt heads with Team Arrow since Felicity is being hyper protective of Skye. The story will be told mostly from Skye/Team Bus POV, though you will get a look into what Ward's been thinking all this time when he finds out Skye is missing. Right now I've titled the crossover "Things Fall Apart" but I might change it. I'll start posting it soon. Meanwhile, you can look for the UMS update at some point this week. Thanks for reading and I hope you enjoyed the story enough not to want to kill me for the angsty ending :)**


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